How do you process the possibility of a life-changing diagnosis? Last week I had an unexpected possible diagnosis due to my concern of having some double vision. I thought it might have something to do with my mono-vision not working well. My eye doctor was concerned enough to order an MRI to rule out a stroke or brain tumor. I appreciate his professional concern, but WOW! I just went in thinking I might need reading glasses, not expecting that it might be something far more serious.
How do you process the possibility that a diagnosis like that could change the current trajectory of my life and what I thought it would look like for the next few years. Yes, I know I turned 75 in February and have been really blessed with a long, healthy and blessed life. But, am I ready to face the end by maybe getting sick with something as debilitating as a stroke or brain tumor?
Here are some of the thoughts that went through my mind as I had to wait several days before I could get the results from the MRI.
- Lord, are you through with me? Somehow I think you still have things for me to do in the ministries I have been involved in.
- What do I need to start doing with all my stuff, books, counseling materials, etc?
- What am I leaving for my daughter to deal with? I don’t want to add more to her plate than she already has.
- I have things I want to do with my grandchildren since I’m the only living grandparent.
- I have numerous things still on my “Bucket List” that I would like to do.
- If I have a debilitating disease, what will I choose to do? I have seen many of my friends go through the aftermath of chemo and radiation and still die, often from complications of the treatments that were to prolong their life. The quality of life at the end was strongly compromised.
- Since I am a widow, who will take care of me? I never want to be a burden on my family or friends.
- What do I have left to do to make things better for my family? I have taken care of my Will, how do I take care of those I love?
- I refuse to live in fear and have it control my thoughts. Claiming the promise that “God has not given me a “spirit of fear”, but love power and a sound mind. 2 Timothy 1:7
- What is causing these symptoms? What can I do to help build the strength of my eyes?
- While getting the MRI, I did a lot of praying as the machine made it’s loud banging noises, so that was a good thing. My family, friends and counselees all got covered well during that time in the tunnel.
Praise the Lord, the MRI showed that there was no stroke or brain tumor! For that, I am grateful. The truth is none of us know whether we have tomorrow and need to live today to the fullest by loving and serving others as the Lord leads. It is very sobering to process how you are living life and see what changes in perspective need to be changed or altered.
James 1:2-4 “Consider it pure you, my brothers (sisters), whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. Do you have similar questions? If so, I would like to hear from you.
Blessings,
Jean